Brandon Alphonso Festus Fordham

My egotistical brother-in-law (aka my BIL, if you will) wouldn't stop yammering on about how he needed his own blog post.  So here it is, BAFF-BAFF.  

Sorry about that picture -- he can't help it.  I can't think of anything nice to say about him, so I will just report some facts.  

1. He is a man and he is bald-headed.  
2. His most redeeming quality is that he is married to my entirely rad sister.  
3. His nicknames for me include: Chupie, Catheter, Foley, Uncle Beep, Beep, and (my personal favorite), Beepyhead.  
4. His mom called me today to say that of all her bald-headed children attending medical school, B-Money (B$) is her least favorite.  Ouch.  
5. He smells like beef and guilt.  

And now it comes to the toss-up.  The tie-breaker.  BIL #1 vs. BIL #2.  Here goes.  

BIL#1 -- the aforementioned B-Money:

PROS:

• I guess his son is a little bit cute.  

CONS:

• Emily has to look at him everyday
• He thinks I'm going to marry a tiny Puerto Rican man with a peg leg, and has already nicknamed him "Stumpy"
• He eats all of the Cheez-Its

BIL #2 -- B-Swizzle:

PROS:

• He's super funny and listens when I tell him my feelings and my dreams
• He buys me dinner and pays for my movie tickets
• He took me on a Ferris Wheel
• His mom and I are essentially best friends
• He's really enthusiastic and shares my penchant for over-reacting on occasion
• He has such a good laugh
• He comments on my blog posts more than anyone else

CONS:

•   He is the benchmark to which I hold every man who could possibly be marriage material, and no one measures up.  

So.....I guess it's pretty clear who wins....It's really all about the math.