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Wouldn't Michael Caine make a really good celebrity apostle? 

Does it make me more of a grown-up that I'm disappointed when all the broccoli is gone? 

Awkward: trying to floss after putting on lotion.  

Isn't it kind of egotistical to be thinking now about what your tombstone will say?

The other day when I was watching "Princess Diaries," there was a scene where the teacher was giving a pop quiz about the French Revolution, and I was disappointed that I couldn't take it.  

Why are wet things generally cold? 

Putting on a swimsuit for the first time after winter feels almost the same as Judgment Day.  In both situations, there's no way you can cram, you simply just have to go as you are and hope you've been doing okay. 

I think that, above all, I really just want to be a king or a baby and to lie around while people fuss over whether all my temporal needs are sufficiently met for the time being.

Do boys use conditioner?

On more than one occasion recently, I've tried to open the door for my reflection.

Apparently, Plato's allegory of the cave relates to my life on SO many levels.  Most notably upon walking out of the dim bakery into the blazing afternoon sunlight, but...there are probably other things too.

If I were Greek, I would most likely name my sons Lykourgos, Kleisthenes, Peisitratos, Thucydides, and Megakles.  And maybe Hipparchos if one them was vaguely heavyset.

 

Today in Target, I was behind a lady who bought $115 of cat food.  True story.