Relationship status = Single (nailed it)
I've been thinking about dating.
Okay, who am I kidding?
I'm usually thinking about dating...and mostly how I don't really do it.
And about how life is like a giant game of missionary tag, but rather than actually playing, I'm just lying on the floor eating cookie butter out of the jar.
And about how getting to know someone is like dealing a deck of cards. The more acquainted you get to be with a person, the more personal cards you'll play for them, revealing during this turn that you don't care for cucumbers and then maybe showing them there how you've never been to Costco. "Here," you'll say, sliding them a card across the table. "Here's this about me, about how I play the harp," a fact that isn't necessarily secret, but it's not a card you run around handing out to everyone. And then, of course, there are those really personal cards about insecurities or a particularly funny pants-wetting story that you'll definitely keep breasted until you get to know each other better and eventually, the both of you have all of your cards face-up on the table.
In case anyone's wondering, the perks of dating me would be fairly vast, including:
And in return, I'm really just looking for a guy with a decent vocabulary/sense of humor who can teach me to play Monopoly the proper way, since apparently I never learned how.
Obviously there's a lot hanging in the balance here.
Okay, who am I kidding?
I'm usually thinking about dating...and mostly how I don't really do it.
And about how life is like a giant game of missionary tag, but rather than actually playing, I'm just lying on the floor eating cookie butter out of the jar.
And about how getting to know someone is like dealing a deck of cards. The more acquainted you get to be with a person, the more personal cards you'll play for them, revealing during this turn that you don't care for cucumbers and then maybe showing them there how you've never been to Costco. "Here," you'll say, sliding them a card across the table. "Here's this about me, about how I play the harp," a fact that isn't necessarily secret, but it's not a card you run around handing out to everyone. And then, of course, there are those really personal cards about insecurities or a particularly funny pants-wetting story that you'll definitely keep breasted until you get to know each other better and eventually, the both of you have all of your cards face-up on the table.
In case anyone's wondering, the perks of dating me would be fairly vast, including:
- I don't really have a social life, so we can hang out basically whenever
- Sometimes I make waffles
- I'll be the passenger in your car so you can use the HOV lane
- I'm pretty good at telling time -- I can just look at a clock and know what time it is
- Whenever I eat french fries, you can have some
- Occasionally, I'll text you funny (if slightly irreverent) pictures of Snape during church
- I have a lot of glowsticks
And in return, I'm really just looking for a guy with a decent vocabulary/sense of humor who can teach me to play Monopoly the proper way, since apparently I never learned how.
Obviously there's a lot hanging in the balance here.
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