BUT WHERE WERE ALL THE WOMEN??

After an inspiring, edifying, and spiritually stimulating General Conference weekend, I am eager to reflect on, pray about, and ponder what I have heard, felt, and learned. I feel a renewed conviction to commit myself to Christ, to see as He saw, and to serve as He served. I feel comforted by the reminder that trials and challenges are a necessary aspect of mortality, but that God will not leave me comfortless, and that by trusting in and relying on Him, I, too, can overcome these obstacles. I feel bolstered by the reiterated knowledge that I am a daughter of heavenly parents who know and care for me. I am filled with a vigor to better seek out, serve, and minister to those around me, and to live in a way that allows me to be worthy of taking the Lord’s name upon myself. My heart was touched by the spirit, and I felt it testify to me that President Nelson is a true prophet of God called to lead our church in these latter days. It was a beautiful learning experience, and many of my prayers were answered. 

But at the same time, at the conclusion of today’s Sunday afternoon session, I cried out, “BUT WHERE WERE ALL THE WOMEN??” After an entire weekend of spiritual instruction, my heart was heavy to look back and realize that only one sister had spoken in the eight hours of general sessions. One. Sister. How was this possible? Where were the women’s voices we so desperately needed to hear? 

This realization came especially confusing to me on the heels of President Nelson’s remarks the previous night during the general women’s session in which he expressed that “No one can do what a righteous woman can do.” He taught us of the divine gifts women possess to sense the needs of others and how best to meet them, and how women are able to reach out, comfort, strengthen, and teach those around them. He taught that women shape the future and encouraged us to use our spiritual gifts to change the world, closing out his remarks with the invitation, “My dear sisters, we need you! We need your strength, your conversion, your conviction, your ability to lead, your wisdom, and your voices. We simply cannot gather Israel without you.” 

These words from our prophet were uplifting and inspiring…but they felt in conflict with what I was seeing and how women were represented in this very conference. Our prophet was telling us how much we were needed, how we as women possess unique abilities, proclivities, gifts, and talents to build up our Lord’s kingdom, and how the Church needs our voices, while only one woman was given the opportunity to have her voice heard in this conference’s general sessions. 

I believe that President Nelson is a prophet called of God to lead this Church, but my soul is confused and my heart is heavy when the leadership tells me how my womanhood is celebrated, divinely appointed, and so necessary to the gathering of Israel, but that same attitude is not reflected in these bi-annual conferences in which our Church leaders are able to teach members and non-members alike throughout the world. Why is there such a disconnect between what we, as an organization, say and what we do? 

In the women’s general session, President Eyring also taught that “Your trust from God is to nurture as many of His and your family members as you can with your love and your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.” He also expressed, “It takes great love to feel the needs of someone else more than your own. That is the pure love of Christ for the person you nurture.” He gave a beautiful talk on the feminine predisposition towards nurturing and how that service can reflect God’s love for us and those we serve. But, again, if Heavenly Father has intentionally created women to be so intuitive to the spirit and compassionate to their neighbors, why would the Church not want to allow our female leaders to reach a greater number of God’s children with that insight, love, and compassion? 

I loved the talks shared in the general women’s session and I was grateful for the opportunity to hear from the First Presidency, but I came away feeling so much conflict and turmoil regarding what my leaders were telling me about the value and influence my role as a woman can have in this Church when only one woman was called to speak among twenty-seven male speakers. Time and again, we as women are reminded of how invaluable we are to our Savior, to the Church, to our Relief Society programs, to our families, and to missionary efforts around the world. And yet, those words ring hollow when what we are showing our sisters and our young women is that our voices are less valuable and less needed in the Church’s leadership and instruction than the men who serve.

For this reason, this disconnect and confusion, I ask sincerely why we do not have more female speakers in our General Conference sessions. I have oft seen and heard the words of men who serve in the calling of Area Seventies speak in conference, but why are our conference sessions not supplemented with talks from women on the Primary, Young Women, or Relief Society general boards? As a single woman who has frequented Young Single Adult wards for the last decade, I am reminded weekly that it is not unusual for active women to outnumber active men in YSA wards and branches. Even in EFY as a youth, I often participated in programs where the young women outnumbered the young men two to one. I know that there is not a shortage of righteous, upstanding, worthy women who can be leaders in this church, and so I struggle when a session of conference closes without having had even one woman speak. 

Like my brothers and sisters, I was excited to hear about the implementation of a new home-centered, Church-supported curriculum to encourage greater and more concentrated teaching of gospel truths and doctrine within the home. In his talk during the general women’s session, President Eyring acknowledged that while parents have the primary responsibility to teach the doctrine to their children, the greater part of teaching and nurturing young children often falls to mothers. This being the case, why does this great calling and capacity to teach extend so narrowly outside the home? Are female voices of greatest importance only when they are teaching young children? As women, we are told that being mothers and rearing children is one of the most ennobling callings and serves as evidence of God’s trust in us. If that be the case, why should we not want to hear more from the women who are or have actively engaged in the teaching, instructing, nurturing, and loving of our Heavenly Father’s most precious young souls? 

 As President Oaks taught in the Saturday morning session, my womanhood is integral, divine, and eternal. Yet, when I inquired of my friends and family about the imbalance between male and female speakers, I received mixed responses about how the messages are spiritually inspired, and so the gender of the individual speaking should be inconsequential. But doesn’t gender affect, influence, and dictate one’s life experiences? Hence, I disagree, and I believe that gender can have a great effect on the delivery of the message prepared. Women have different experiences than men – in the Church, in familial roles and responsibilities, out in society, and in the workforce. I often find it easier to relate to women because I can find commonality in the perspectives and experiences they share. And yet, the lack of representation of female leaders in our General Conference sessions leads me to believe that the experiences and perspective of men are preferential to those of women. 

Representation matters. As a single woman in a family-centric male-led Church, I often find myself questioning my position and role in this organization, and what I have to contribute outside of being a wife and/or mother. I always loved hearing from Sister Barbara Thompson when she served in the Relief Society General Presidency, knowing that she was single. I was uplifted, inspired, and touched to see a woman not defined by marriage or motherhood able to lead, uplift, inspire, and touch so many women, myself included. 

On the flip-side, would men feel that they were adequately represented and that their voices were being heard if our Church was led primarily by women? Would men feel content to only hear from one male speaker over the course of eight hours of instruction? Would they get as much out of conference if they were unable to identify with the speakers? How would men respond to full sessions of conference with only female speakers or to having half of the speakers in the general priesthood session be women? And yet, we expect that passivity from the under-represented and underutilized women in our Church leadership callings. I always value the opportunity to hear from our prophet and his apostles, but still: representation matters.

A final response I have heard in my inquiry about the dearth of female presence in General Conference alludes to the idea that the Lord inspires our leaders to call those who speak. I believe in personal revelation and I believe that President Nelson leads our church through revelation, and while I am not fully informed on how speaking assignments are made for conference, does that then mean that God values and privileges the voices, insights, and spirituality of men over those of women? That’s not the God I believe in, and to insinuate that He is silencing our sisters diminishes and detracts from the vast work they do on a daily basis as representatives of our Savior. If the Lord is no respecter of persons, why is there not a healthier mix of male and female speakers in each session? In the last 10 years of bi-annual conferences, we have had at most 3 women speak in the general sessions (April 2018) and at least one woman (October 2018, April 2017). On average, in the last decade, out of 27 speakers per conference, 2 were female, meaning that for every woman speaking, there were also 13 men speaking. 

Some may say that this matter is inconsequential, and that as members, we should simply trust and follow our leaders, that it shouldn’t matter so much who is speaking, but instead what they are speaking about. I do trust our leaders. I believe that our prophet and apostles were called of God, just as the women in the Relief Society presidency were called of God and the men in the Sunday School presidency were called of God. But that does not mean that I cannot have or ask questions about Church leadership. 

In April 2018, Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson gave a talk entitled “Young Women in the Work” in which she pleaded ward and stake leaders to not overlook young women, but rather to include them, to recognize their value, and the potential of their contributions. She expressed, “The young women of the Church…are [as] equally needed [as Aaronic priesthood holders] and essential in accomplishing the work of the Lord in their families and in His Church…Young women in the Church should feel valued, have opportunities to serve, and feel that she has something of worth to contribute to this work…We might ask ourselves what kind of experiences we could provide for them now that will help with their preparation to be missionaries, gospel scholars, leaders in the Church, auxiliaries, temple workers, wives, mothers, mentors, examples, and friends…Our young women are amazing. They have talents, unlimited enthusiasm, and energy, and they are compassionate and caring. They need to know that they are valued and essential in the work of salvation.” 

Though her talk was primarily focused on better including young women in ward, stake, relief society, and ministering efforts, I believe that her words can extend and apply to the women of the church on the whole. The women of the church are as equally needed as the men, and are essential to accomplishing the Lord’s work in their families and in His Church. Women should feel valued, have opportunities to serve, and feel that they have something of worth to contribute to this work. What experiences might we provide to our sisters who serve as missionaries, gospel scholars, leaders, temple workers, wives, mothers, mentors, examples, ministers, and friends when they see more women in leadership positions teaching and instructing church members at General Conference? 

And yet it feels as though we are still pleading, asking in desperation for the Church to recognize our value, our worth, and the potential of our contributions. 

I love this Church, I have a testimony of the gospel truths, and I believe in my loving Savior’s atonement. I am grateful for eternal covenants, the gift of the Holy Ghost, and for personal revelation. I love our prophet and I am grateful for his leadership, direction, and counsel. I have seen over the last six months the capacity of the Church to change to better meet the needs of its members. 

But please. Let us share our voices.