Team Peeta?

And that's not just because he's a baker.  
Okay.  Maybe that has a little to do with it.  

So I'm rereading the Hunger Games trilogy, which is exhilarating and fraught with nervous anticipation.  As I suspend my disbelief, yeah, I can accept the twisted post-apocalyptic fate of an entire country fearfully immobilized by the annual gladiatorial-style bloodbath sponsored by government propaganda.  I can do that.  Where my disbelief hits a wall is when it comes to the dude situation.  Come on.  Two guys? TWO?? (I can't have two cats! Joey's the kind of guy that can have two cats!) I mean, how real-life is that? How plausible is it that two equally hunky and desirable guys are fighting for the affections of our female protagonist? Sure, it's ideal, by far, but is that realistic? I mean.

Now, I didn't super want to go here, but go I must.  Twilight.  (!! Stop rolling your eyes!) Not to sound too "hipster," but I definitely did read the series before it snowballed into the multimedia cult-following franchise it is today.  I read the first book my sophomore year of high school, soon after it was first published. I had to have been 15 or so, still trying to figure out what was going on with my bangs and daily losing the courage to talk to that boy I sat across from in AP European History.   "Huh," I think I thought.  "Yeah, that would be pretty unbelievably fantastic if a rich, iridescent, and immortal vampire guy was inexplicably smitten with me and just kind of followed me around and worshiped the ground I walked on for no apparent reason other than the fact that we couldn't be together.  I mean, is that TRUE LOVE OR WHAT???"

So there's that whole thing going on, but as we get farther into the series, our listless one-dimensional female lead must choose between the vampire boy and the wolf boy.  Again, I can stomach the whole vampire/werewolf bit.  I mean, it's obviously made up!  What we as readers are meant to relate to is the human relationships depicted, duh.  It makes sense not to get the whole *sparkling* vampire thing, but can't you relate to the soul-crushing agony and despair of having to choose between two equally hot imaginary boys who would both do anything to be with you? 

Yeah, me neither. 

I mean, is this real life?  Are there really scads of girls out there (ranging from sane and independent to emotionally unstable and co-dependent) fending off duos of attractive, undeterred suitors? Can I be one of them?  Just saying, this is an uncommon situation I have yet to come across, but maybe it's just awfully marketable to the masses.

I recently watched "Thoroughly Modern Millie" for the first time, and aside from the racial stereotypes, opium dens, and white slavery, boy, did that movie sing to this old turkey's soul.  (And wasn't Julie Andrews sinfully saucy? I'd never seen her be so sultry!) 

Here's a quick outline:

1. Julie befriends Mary Tyler Moore and then gets a job as a secretary for Mr. G [no, not that Mr. G] in the hopes of marrying him.  
2. (He is devastatingly handsome, ps)
3. Then there's Jimmy.  A goofy and adorable paperclip salesman, he makes up a Tapioca Dance for Julie and literally scales buildings just so he can see her
4. But what's this? At an overnight party, Julie catches a glimpse of Jimmy sneaking Mary Tyler Moore into his room.  ????
5. And then later in the story, Mr. G (the devastatingly handsome boss) runs into Mary Tyler Moore and has eyes for her and only her.  Poor, poor Julie.  

And this, this is where I sighed deep and long for Julie and her plight.  Siiiiigh. But at the same time, I was so relieved to see that a girl as saucy (!) and lovely as she could fall into an emotional slump of the most abject despair as not one, but two guys fall for her best friend.  Now THAT, little crickets, is relatable story-telling. 

And that's where the "relatable" part ends.  The story goes on and the slavery crisis is averted and Julie realizes it's probably okay if her boss and best friend fall in love because, as it turns out, all this time, Mary Tyler Moore and Jimmyboy were brother and sister.  Jimmy had feelings for Julie all along, that silly goose!  (He also uses fun exclamatory phrases like "Banana oil!" which don't make much contextual sense, though we kind of love him for it.) And oh! Jimmy is also a secret millionaire parading as a paperclip salesman to find someone who will love him for himself and not for his money.  What luck.

I guess I'm just saying, that hey.  I've never been pursued by two guys at once, imaginary or otherwise.  I've also never been pursued by a secret millionaire either.  So what is there to relate to for gals like us? 

Which is where I come in. 

What if I wrote a book about a fairly normal, emotionally stable, independent, self-sufficient lady who....didn't have any luck with the gentlemen? What if my whole story was like unto Julie's Woeful Snubbing?  What if all her male interests went after the best friends? Or just flat-out ignored her?  I get that this sounds super depressing and not that interesting, but work with me here.  I'll find a way to make it funny.  And RELATABLE.  And when nothing continues to work out, our little miss will adopt herself a bevy of felines, repugnant though they may be, and begin a charitable little orphanage and adoption agency for the kittens.  

Possible title (still a work in progress): My Autobiography